Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Reality...You Can Save A Child Once


Have you ever heard someone say,

"Man, all of the stories (this literally might mean, two) that I have heard about adoptive families, the kids always grow up to be really bitter and resentful towards their adoptive parents." 

I'm not even going to begin to dive into this statement. There are so many factors that play into each situation. However, I did read this article a few weeks ago by Kristen Howerton and finally I felt like I had words to describe things that I was feeling.

Especially when I read this portion...

"You can save a child once. After that, it's called parenting. 
Adoptive parenting is not a noble pursuit, and I squirm a little any time I hear people perpetuating the narrative that adoptive parents are saviors. While it's certainly true that adoption can save a child from a life of living in an orphanage, adopted children should not be required to bestow special gratitude to their parents.  Adoptive parents are regular, imperfect people.  Adoptees have the same rights as biological children to be resentful, annoyed, or ungrateful towards their parents, without being reminded that they've been "saved" by their parents."

I am fully aware of my imperfections. Just like we made a decision to get pregnant, we made a decision to adopt. This parenting thing is tough and my daily prayer is that God will change me so that I can be a better mom to each and every one of my kids. 

you can save a child once
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8 comments:

  1. I think people hear many stories about adopted kids having problems (Like my brother who is adopted) and automatically attribute it to being adopted. It's just kids who have problems. Every family has quirks and kinks to work through, and quickly accusing being adopted as a trigger is almost like an excuse for behaviors. Yes there are DEFINITELY issues that can arise emotionally, but any kid, biological or not, will go through some set of growing pains in their own way. How do you explain kids who are adopted and lead their lives without any lashing out? Because, like you said, people focus on the TWO bad instances they know about. I'm glad you posted this Sarah. I'm glad your family was added to and you're a beautiful unit...all SEVEN of you!!!

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    1. Kristin,

      Later, I felt like I should explain a little more with what I wrote but your comment hit everything on a T! Thank you for sharing!

      ~Sarah

      Delete
  2. I think people are just scared of adoption in general because they don't know a lot about it. I don't know much about adoption myself. I have 2 cousins that were adopted, as well as 2 second cousins who were adopted. I don't know a lot about the stories behind those adoptions, but I've never heard anything negative. In fact, I've never heard anything bad about adoption (apart from on TV). I'm sure that adoption can be a difficult, but so can being a parent (and growing up for that matter).

    I'm just glad that there are people out there like you, willing to share their experiences.

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    1. Amelia,

      You are totally right, adoption can be scary when we don't know that much about it. However, it can truly be the most amazing thing ever...and I would still say that I don't know much about it. :-)

      ~Sarah

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  3. Loved, loved, loved this. I HATE when people say something about my kids being so lucky to have us as parents. Nope, we are the lucky ones. And believe me, my 7 year old definitely has days when he doesn't feel lucky at all having us as parents - just the same as any 7 year old.

    This rang so true for me: "adopted children should not be required to bestow special gratitude to their parents. Adoptive parents are regular, imperfect people. Adoptees have the same rights as biological children to be resentful, annoyed, or ungrateful towards their parents, without being reminded that they've been "saved" by their parents."

    BTW we live in the far west burbs of the Twin Cities. Great adoption community here.

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    Replies
    1. I totally agree and that is awesome that you are so close! :-)

      Delete

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