Monday, January 12, 2015

On My Mind And In My Heart

Yesterday was a very special day. I've written a little bit about this day each year.

Yesterday I was sitting in a quiet room, in a town three hours from home. I had my laptop in front of me and my bible was sitting off to my left. My thoughts were gathered and my notes simply needed to be printed. 

I was sharing at a women's gathering that evening. I had been looking forward to this time together for months. A few days prior I found out that the event had sold out and nervousness set in.

Thankfully I convinced myself that they were coming because they heard that the food was going to be good. I was really looking forward to dinner that night...that is if my stomach can handle food and nerves all at the same time. I really look forward to events like these where we can gather as women and chat while having real life conversations (facebook has it's place...but will never replace real life conversations, I hope.)

I found myself wondering about who the speaker was and thinking, I wonder if she will be any good (oh the irony...)

I can still count on two hands how many times I've shared this story in public. I'm still pressing through feelings of inadequacy and “you can use someone else to do this God, can't you?” Yet it is the story of God's goodness and love that compels me to step out of my comfort zone and share what He has done in our lives with others.

Perhaps it is because I know that I am pretty normal and ordinary and that if God can transform my life he can transform another. Too many friends, loved ones, and complete strangers are in situations of despair, facing deep losses of loved ones, great disappointments, life threatening diagnosis, etc. I remember hitting rock bottom all too clearly and being in a place of darkness and hopelessness until I decided that the enemy WAS NOT going to win and that the only way out of this black hole was taking God for his word, that HE IS GOOD.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Last night I shared that story of hope.

The irony was that the event last night was in the same area where our miscarriages took place, where I hit rock bottom and where our daughter was born after a complete miracle. I was able to share with those dear friends and strangers that God has a plan...He 100% has a plan! Not only was it a special location to be at but the event also took place on, January 11th, which would have been Jr's (the first baby that we lost) ninth birthday.

I used to wonder every time January 11th rolled by what raising Jr. would have been like that year...what would it be like to have a child in the terrible twos stage or an energetic three year old

This is a picture of one of our sons...he turned nine this past October. 

He likes legos and playing chess and playing outside with his brothers and sisters.

There are three children with God who I CANNOT WAIT to meet some day. Oh my arms long to hold them!

But I no longer have to wonder what having a nine year old would be like.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

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