Monday, May 18, 2015

A Shift Happening

As I sit here the house is still. 

In this rare moment it is completely silent. 

Our older four are at school and our youngest is with Sam running some errands. I almost don't know how to think in this silence. Distractions pull at me from every direction. I think of how the soap dispenser in the bathroom needs to be filled or how we need to call and schedule an oil change for the mini-van or how badly our lawn needs to be mowed...but the rain hasn't stopped yet so there isn't much I can do about that last one.

Yet the more I live the more I realize that there will always be distractions. 

Currently I would just like to focus on writing a blog post. It has, after all, been weeks since I posted last. Yet in the weeks leading up to this moment my thoughts haven't seemed clear, so not writing seemed best. 

I've felt tension from within as I debate back and forth some thoughts that I have been struggling with. Then, after attending a conference in Chicago, I came home a bit rocked. There was a speaker at the conference who I had never heard before. He spoke with a deep passion that overflowed out of his soul. 

All I could think of was: I want that.

He had tears in his eyes as he talked about the simple truth of the Gospel and about how much he was in love with Jesus. He was so in love with Jesus because his life had been transformed ten years ago. And since that transformation he has spent hours and hours and HOURS in the word, praying, and on his face before God. 

I know, I know...I am a mom. How can I spend hours reading the Bible, praying and on my face before God? Yet I've found hours and hours to scroll through facebook, read the news, check out Instagram and watch my favorite tv shows. I wouldn't say any of those things are bad, not at all. But it is how I've felt for months that has me questioning how I spend certain moments of my day. 

You see, I'm constantly comparing myself to others. I see tragedy after tragedy on facebook and feel as though sadness is consuming me. I naturally see the problems more easily than I see the silver lining. I post a picture on Instagram giving you a glimpse into my world and find that I check back often to see how many "hearts" it has received. In the past I have always posted from the heart yet let the amount of comments or lack there of determine in my heart how successful my life is.

That has got to stop.

Ya'll our identity does not come from how many people heart or don't heart our life! Our identity comes from being a son or daughter of God!

I've decided to take commenting off of the blog. It's one of those..."it's not you, it's me" problems. I deeply want to encourage you with what is on my heart, share a simple idea, talk about my mistakes even. Sometimes that means I will still post an organizing tip or trick or a new wall that I've painted. But I want this blog to be about the journey. Not about how many people read it, heart it, pin it, or like it. I don't want to seek personal gain, fame or acceptance. I simply want to point you to the one who has captured my heart and display for the world to see what living an authentic, vulnerable, joyful life at home (as a wife, mom, friend and daughter of God) looks like.

It's not perfect, but I promise you there will be passion.

And perhaps this is going against the norm. Perhaps I won't fit into any "blog categories," yet I'm finally ok with that because I just want to be me and I am SO ready for a shift. 

I am so ready to experience more of the overflowing joy in my own life that comes when I spend time soaking in the presence of the one who knew me before I was even born...the one who accepted me right from the very start.

It was also high time I took facebook off of my phone and it might just have been the best thing I did all year. Now I can choose pockets of time to hop online on my computer (UPstairs in my office) instead of scrolling on my phone (in my pocket) every time there was a lull or a brief second in between tasks.

When we returned from the conference, Sam and I started getting up two hours before the kids to read the Bible, worship and pray. Which means I really have to be intentional about getting to bed at a decent hour. I'm totally one of those people that looks at the clock once I crawl into bed and does the math to be certain I am getting at least 8 hours of doesn't always happen, but I aim for it!

I NEED sleep.

It is my desire to let the truth of God's word fill me. To have the truth transform every ounce of me. To live a passionate life on fire for God so that everything else that I do and say pours out of that.

I want to find rest on a daily basis and not struggle through each day waiting for the next vacation.

I have no idea what it will fully look like but I am, so ready.

Let the shift begin!

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